taking a step back.

it's interesting to look back in life and see the spots that were darker than others. times when you felt alone. times when you felt attacked. times when you felt defeated. times when you felt lost. i was looking through some old journals today that were from 6 years ago. crazy how time flies, as it seems like those memories were yesterday. i noticed that i still struggle with some of the same things that i did then. however, as days become weeks, weeks become months, months become years, the path that god takes each person on becomes a journey of faith and hopefully sanctification. the rock solid truth is god does not change, but we do. my question is: how would my life change for the better, if i looked at each struggle, each hurt, each pain, as god's protection in my life? yes, i know, you're thinking i'm crazy and unrealistic. however, humans were not made for this world. anything that requires faith must be outside of our understanding.

C. S. Lewis quoted “If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world"

speaking of c.s. lewis, i am reading the chronicles of narnia and am currently finishing up the book, "the horse and his boy" and read a part that has become my favorite thus far in the book...shasta, a boy on a journey to Narnia who encounters Aslan, just finished telling Aslan about his struggles & strife in life and in particular, on his journey to Narnia. Here Aslan responds:

“There was only one lion … I was the lion … who forced you to join Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you.”

this definitely gave me a new perspective on experiences we go through, both good and bad, and how we can be so easily misguided in our thinking if we only limit ourselves to what we know or what we think to be true. take a step back. reflect. how many times do i look at my moments of pain or struggles and think i'm being punished? what if those painful trials are god's way of protecting me? recently i've been learning about discipline and how God's love is shown through experiencing suffering. Hebrews 12:5-6 says:

"And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son"

God knows the buttons to push to bring us to desperation, bringing us to our knees. God is more concerned for my spiritual growth than I am. Going through sufferings prove our character & yields fruit of peace and righteousness for those who have been trained by it (Heb 12:11).

there is an artist behind every work of art. in this life, that artist is god. he is the source of all power, all truth. HIS ways are higher than ours (no matter how difficult that is to grasp...as our self gets in the way and choose to suppress God in order to carry on life the way we would like). the problem is, we can't escape our own wretchedness. look at the news or simply observe two five year olds fight over a toy-sin is alive and well from the very beginning. it's quite simple to understand that without god we are helpless of being part of any true & everlasting goodness.

isaiah 55:9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher your thoughts."

Faith...A step at a time.

After community group on Wednesday nights, I have been night running over the bridge...This past Wednesday evening, as I was running, I got to thinking about faith. As I was placing each foot in front of the other, I got to thinking that below that level of pavement was a body of water hundreds of feet below me. Everyone that crosses over that bridge each day has faith that they will make it across without the bridge falling through. Subconsciously, people trust all the makings of bridge-the strength of aluminum & steel; the concrete structures that hold the bridge up, the nuts & bolts...Everything that makes a bridge serve its purpose. How can ordinary people, not even think/question the details of how a bridge is made before you cross it? Yet when we look around and see how the waves crash and the sun rises, the birds chirping, & hear the heart of a beating heart, the question still remains for some people, is there a God? If there is, is God personal? The truth is, creation screams there is a creator...Yet some people remain to be faithless and doubt. Although I certainly believe that there is an amazing God who is personal, too many times, I find myself doubting my Creator. However, He is the only One who knows what is best for me. We are truly missing out if we miss the truth that God has stamped his fingerprint on each of us, individually giving us gifts to use for His glory.

In order to have faith, our heart must reach a point of surrender...when we recognize that there is no escaping sin, we recognize our need for a personal savior in our individual hearts. There is an eternal freedom on the other side of the door, but it requires us to raise our hand and knock-a humility that requires a vulnerability. Christ is the doorkeeper. Ask and he'll open. Seek and you'll find. Thanks be to God for his amazing grace that he gives us freely, if we choose to accept it.

a daily fight for joy

Do you ever fall into ruts of despair even though you are surrounded by God's blessings? I was very frustrated with myself today because although I was in the presence of amazing community, I did not feel like engaging in conversation with anyone. I felt like not only was I wanting to keep to myself, my joy was also stolen away from me & I didn't like feeling this way. The hard part was recognizing this, and not being able to instantly have that joy back. I consider myself to be a people person, however, I am recognizing more and more that I need to take time out for myself in order to refresh. I tend to over-commit, not wanting to let anyone down. However, God is showing me that He is here for me, as long as I draw near to Him, He will draw near to me. Today I recognized the NEED to draw near to God...Oh how essential this is...Nothing was satisfying me today, despite the blessings around me in my life that God's grace has provided for me---beautiful sunshine, beaches, close friends, and even my normal iced coffee with a shot of vanilla & cream from my favorite coffee shop (just to name a few). It disgusts me to think of everything God has provided for each of us, yet so often we throw things back in His face. Despite the daily worries & troubles, paying bills, doubts you start believing about yourself, broken relationships, brain tumors, cancer, etc, there are moments in life that are worth living for-- Sunsets, Saturday morning coffee, the ability to run, loving family & friends, reading a good book, starry nights...in all things, both difficult & simple circumstances, God is in the midst.

A daily reminder I have to keep reminding myself of: Only God truly satisfies...It really has to do with the condition of my heart. It's encouraging to know that I don't have to fix myself before I feel like I can enter the presence of God...In order to BE FIXED, I need to go to him in prayer, MESSY. He wants our needy hearts...As we surrender our hearts back to God time and again, He fills us back up with a peace that transcends all understanding.

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Alive & Running

I had the urge to run tonight, although it was getting a bit late for me (9pm-yes, i guess I'm an adult now), so I laced up my shoes, grabbed my music, & headed out the door. The air outside was the perfect temperature, around 70, and the smell of summer was in the air. As I began to move my legs forward more swiftly, I had begun to realize how much I loved this feeling-inspiration sprouted. I had forgotten how refreshing it felt to be running, in the night, with God's scent all around me. Working muscles, while building speed. Each step I took, my clogged mind drained. During my short run, I began to process God's creation and thought how little I am and how big God really is. Too often I tend to diminish the vastness of God.

As my feet hit our driveway and I strolled over to stretch on the sidewalk, I looked up to the night sky. The stars were popping out of the sky, while the perfectly round moon was placed above me. How magnificent. As the sweat dripped down my face & I heard the breeze rustle the tree branches around me, I felt alive.

God is always present. Sometimes we just need to open our eyes.

At what moments do you feel most alive?

what does it mean to truly live life to the fullest?

It's been quite awhile since i last blogged, but lately I have had an urge to start writing again...Below are some personal reflections over the past 1 1/2yrs since moving to Charleston...

Through the difficult times of wrestling with God regarding a job that I highly was unhappy with for 8 months, adjusting to being states away from home, while depending on airplanes just to see my parents, & times of having a letdown heart based off of my own self expectations, the result has produced a deeper yearning in my heart to KNOW GOD. This is the reason why we go through trials right? When we are desperate, we TURN to God because it's clear that as tainted human beings, we can't righteously live life on our own. Therefore, we should really be desperate on a daily basis in good times and bad.

My observation through experience: I am nothing without God. But with him, I'm everything. "No one is good-except God alone"(Luke 18:19). When you begin to love God and seek Him, your eyes are opened to the fact that nothing you do can save yourself from your own sin...every wrong action I take, every wrong thought I have...I can't do it...because I am sin. Thank God the pressure has been taken away, the weight has been lifted off my back. God's grace stepped in...

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10)

More and more my eyes are being opened to the good that God has created in this world...From the breathtaking view of the Charleston shores & painted yellow sunsets, to rich prayers with friends that result in eyes flooded with tears, yet lips that pour out thanks. His creation speaks of his presence...

GOD IS SOVEREIGN!

"The voice that brings the dead to life is the very same voice that calls you to rise...the hands that hold the world are holding your heart...When everything is falling apart, you will be safe in his arms..."

-Phil Wickham, "Safe"
Singer/Songwriter

Creator and Sustainer

As I have been in Charleston for almost three weeks now, I have really been enjoying my time here through all the uncertainties and constantly taking steps out of my comfort zone. I have been learning a lot lately on trusting the Lord and completely surrendering my life at the foot of the cross. It is refreshing to know that God is bigger than anything in this world...My patience is growing stronger and I am striving to be content in anything that is thrown at me, in joys and sorrows. I am weak, but with God I am strong.



Random thought: How do you experience God? Journaling? Outdoors in God's creation? Music? Different for all. For me, I really feel God's presence when I am outdoors...whether it be a strong, mighty thunderstorm, or taking a stroll "down on the farm" through the peaceful country of the midwest cornfields, God's fingerprints are everywhere in nature :) The other night I went to the beach at night...full moon. cool breeze.waves crashing. Creation in its natural form of it's Creator is unexplainable and magnificent at the same time. So many times, I take life's blessings that God has placed in front of me and take them for granted. Simply being alive is a blessing in itself, but when we accept/choose to let a personal God into our life, our eyes are open to the Good in the world that we were intended to have from the start.

Where's the Love?

I am feeling very irritated at this moment. I DON'T understand why some people have to make fun of certain politicians (aka: Sarah Palin), people from different backgrounds, or simply others who are different. It urks me that just because one might not support the individual or disagree with their view point, the same people who are preaching to not judge or "treat people how you want to be treated," are the ones who poke fun at that person. If anyone claims to know God personally and truly desires to be like Christ, I don't think that mocking someone or pointing out their weakness to the point of disrespect is very honorable...It definitely detracts from their character. What gives us the right to bring down an individual based off of our own reasoning? NO MATTER how stupid one acts, how many piercings they have, how annoying one's personality might be, or how much one disagrees with the person, we should NEVER put down and disrespect the individual. It is shallow and not effective. I had to get this off my chest because lately I have been noticing it more and more in society and I think some things need to truly change for the better...Let's bring back some character and integrity.